Broken Angels
by Kieren Altair Arwydd
Summary: She suffers from a tragedy that changed her life forever. She was far too broken... No one was going to save her. Would they?
1. I: Already Gone

Hey, people! Here's my story. It's a songfic. The song's "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. Hope you like it! And please review. If you are wondering where's the disclaimer, there's no point in putting it as obviously a fanfiction _**HAS **_to borrow stuff of its parentdom..or whatever you call the TV show/comic/manga/anime/movie/book/game/play/musical its based on. Oh yeah, from the second last bit of the song, the narration changes from 1st POV to 3rd POV!

_**ANONYMOUS REVIEWS ARE ENABLED SO PLEASE REVIEW!**_

* * *

**ALREADY GONE  
**_KELLY CLARKSON_

**_Broken Angels I_  
**

I was far too broken to reach that healthier place everyone else was in. Heck, even Hyuuga...no, Natsume was successful in his attempt to reach that. I watched as all my friends waltzed around the rented ballroom.

'One-step, two-step, tap tap-tap tap…' and so it went on. The ball gowns swished and the shoes stomped. I watched from the sidelines, having no date. Even so, how could I expect someone to tolerate me, the broken girl who was once so different? I guess soon there would be a day when my final goodbye would be said.

* * *

_Remember all the things, we wanted  
Now all our memories, They're haunted  
We were always meant to say good-bye  
Even without fist held high, yeah  
Never we have worked out right, yeah  
We were never meant for do or die

* * *

_

Reminiscing about past memories or fantasies was not going to help me or him or anyone for that matter. Slowly, I lifted myself off the chair in the secluded corner and moved towards the entrance…

He was in my way. "Ruka, please I need to go."

"Stay, for a while at least."

* * *

_I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hurt you now  
I can't stop

* * *

_

I studied his face for a while. Then, I turned to observe Natsume whose arm was carelessly slung across the brown haired girl's shoulders. Koko, too was happily dancing with Anna. Tobita was laughing at something Nonoko said. Mochu and Sumire were by Natsume's side. Then, I turned back to face Ruka. The look in his eyes burned me, for I knew I was the cause of it.

"I can't Ruka. I am too… changed by that night."

"Please, I… we will help you out. You never talk to us about that night"

"You can't. I will not destroy your lives any further…" 'For I love you and the rest,' was my unsaid thought.

Ruka just looked at me. As I brushed past him, I whispered to him, "For I am already gone…"

* * *

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
Someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone

* * *

_

I watched him that night. As he slept, I realized that finally all his burdens were lifted and that just maybe he would find another that would love him just as I did… but doing so without hurting him in the process. "I wish that you had not suffered me."

* * *

_Looking at you makes it harder  
But I know that you'll find another  
That doesn't always make you wanna cry  
Started with a perfect kiss  
Then we could feel the poison set in  
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

* * *

_

I guess in the end, we were not meant to be. My love for him had became a tainted thing, the only thing that kept me going after all the horrors I had seen.

* * *

_You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go

* * *

_

I slowly walked to my shelter. No one knew I was homeless since that incident. I cleverly hid it, saying to them that I lived on the outskirts with an aunt of mine. That was the next day right after that night. After that I rarely spoke to them again.

In reality, it was just a lie. I had no relatives. My late mum had been disowned for marrying my dad, an only child of factory workers. We were poor, yes, but it was a happy household. Because of my hard work, I earned a scholarship to study in Alice Academy. My mom was so proud. Then, my parents were murdered... I witnessed this when I was coming back from school. No one knew how traumatic it was. If only they had experienced what I had gone through, they would have known how it had broken me. How could I be the same? I snatched some money, their bankbooks and I ran away…god knows how I managed that. Somehow, I found myself by this sanctuary I call home now. It was actually an abandoned tree house. It was in good condition so I took it for my own.

I looked at the only picture of my friends and family that I managed to salvage from the aftermath the next day. "It doesn't matter, guys. I had to go… I would not have been able to hold myself together then," I addressed my picture friends.

* * *

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
Someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone  
I'm already gone  
I'm already gone  
You can't make it feel right  
When you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone  
Already gone  
There's no moving on  
So I'm already gone

* * *

_

I returned back to school as normal the following day. Ruka and the rest except Natsume tried to coax me out of my shell again. It was expected after all, they had been doing this since that incident. I kept silent; however, not trusting myself to not say anything should I open my mouth. I fell back into my world of fantasies, my books. They were now my only salvation. For I am already gone…

* * *

_Already gone  
Already gone  
Already gone, Ooooo,  
Oh  
Already gone  
Already gone  
Already gone, Yeah

* * *

_

I watched as Natsume burned Sumire's hair (pyromaniac.). I watched Ruka coax Natsume to stop it. I watched Tobita try to tell Natsume off. I watched my best friend trying to pay attention to what Jinno was saying. I watched Sumire crying and begging Natsume, "Why do you love burning my hair?" I watched Koko fool around with Mochu and messed up Anna and Nonoko's work. It was just like the old times except for me. I wanted to return to the old me… to be with him. But it was not going to happen. We were never meant to be…

* * *

_Remember all the things, we wanted  
Now all our memories, They're haunted  
We were always meant to say good-bye

* * *

_

I sat under a sakura tree and watched the activities of the academy's students and personnel. All of a sudden, the tree rustled and a boy landed beside me. Black hair, crimson eyes, it was Natsume…

"Natsume…"

"..."

"…"

We sat in silence for sometime and then, he broke the tension.

"Cry. It's not good to keep it all in. Ruka's worried sick about you. If you won't tell anyone, then tell me at least. Of all of them, I can keep my mouth shut."

I don't know what was it that made me tell him the story. But I did, just changing the homeless part to be in line with what I told them. Halfway through the story, I broke down. But I persisted. Finally, Natsume hugged me and said, "No one should have endured what you had faced." Saying that, he was gone.

"It doesn't matter. That fact would not change anything." The wind carried my words away.

_

* * *

I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
Someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone

* * *

_

The next day, Natsume, Ruka, Sumire, Tsubasa, Misaki and the rest watched as the brunette broke down. In her fists was a letter.

_Dear Hotaru,_

_Don't worry. Everything will be alright. But I can't stay. You can't make it feel alright. I will not commit suicide or in any way throw away my life as it seems to be the only way to __honour__ my parents' memories. I can't go on living here though. It hurts, Hotaru, hurts real bad. Even talking about it to Natsume did not make things better.  
I am far too broken to be ever really healed. Things can never be the same again. I love you, Hotaru. That's why I am leaving. I can see that I am causing you great pain. The same for the others too… especially Natsume. I love you guys, but I can't bear inflicting anymore pain on you. I love you Natsume… Love you so much that it is killing me to watch you hurt over me. I can't take it. Thank you, Ruka-pyon, Permy, Iinchou, Tsubasa-senpai, Misaki-senpai, Anna, Nonoko, Narumi-sensei, Youichi-kun and the rest for being there when I needed you. You may never see me again though. Love you all… but I am already gone._

_P.S: Natsume, you can tell them what I told you. Love someone else Natsume, for my sake. I know you might never love someone the way you did me. But I want you to be happy. You would be far happier with that person than you ever were with me. I love you Natsume!_

_Love,  
Mikan_

* * *

_I'm already gone  
I'm already gone  
You can't make it feel right  
When you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone  
Already gone  
There's no moving on  
So I'm already gone...

* * *

_

"Why? Why Mikan, why did you go? Why did this have to happen to her? Why?" Natsume whispered. He was sitting on their sakura tree watching all the others who were lamenting Mikan's departure.

Elsewhere, a plane touched down in England. A girl stepped out of the aircraft and looked around. Her cropped brown hair waved in the wind. She fingered the strands that once had been long and turned to face her new future. "Goodbye, Nihon. Hello, England."

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hope it was okay. Oh yeah, another thing in you review please tell me what was you first impression of who was narrating the story at first before the scene with Natsume onwards. So, who do you think it was? Actually, it was Mikan. All the same, please put it in you review. I tried to make it seem as if Hotaru was narrating. Natsume burning Sumire's hair is just him being a pyromaniac... all the characters of this universe are normal people like you and me. Thanks for reading and reviewing by the way. *hugs to all readers and reviewers* Do try reading my other stories.


	2. II: Behind These Hazel Eyes

**A/N: **So Chapter 2's here! Hope you like it! Please, I am begging you, please review! I need feedback so that I can improve my stories accordingly. Alright, let's get this POV thing out in the clear... It will fluctuate between first point of view and third point of view. For the main series i.e. this one, the first POV will be Mikan's only. Oh, I know this is yet another Kelly Clarkson song, but it is by far the most suitable. So, read, enjoy and most of all, REVIEW! Thank you for all the reviews by the way.

* * *

**BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES**

_KELLY CLARKSON_

_**BROKEN ANGELS II**_

The irony of it never ceased to amaze me. Of all of them, I was the first to break. We all knew our innocence would be destroyed at some time. But never in their wildest dreams could they believe that I, the epitome of innocence was the first to go. It had been six months since I had come to England and yet, it seemed just like yesterday that I had left Japan.

Next thing knew I was sprawled on the pavement. Kami-sama, I was too involved in my contemplations. A hand appeared in my line of vision. I grabbed it and hauled myself up. "Thank you." I took in the stranger's appearance… flaming red hair, warm brown eyes, a stocky build…

"I am Mikan."

* * *

_Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

* * *

_**Six years later:**

I was happy… as happy as I could be without them. I loved my new friends. I knew them through George. George had an identical twin, Fred. Those two were my closest friends. Fred however had passed into the void. I was now George's sole comfort. His family did try helping but there's only so much you can do when you yourselves are coping with the loss of a family member. I knew the pain of losing family members.

My new life was better than my old one. Far better…save for one problem…

I still could not sleep at night peacefully. The nightmares still plagued me. If anything, they got worse… now, they included my old friends…

* * *

_Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on

* * *

_

But I never reconciled with my old life… I just pushed it aside. Sooner or later, it would catch up to me. In the end, I was torn in two… the old scarred me and the new cracked me…

* * *

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

* * *

_No matter what happened, George and the rest could never truly understand what I felt. After all, I never did tell them the full story of that tragedy that consumed me. All they knew was my parents were murdered.

The only ones who could really understand how I felt were on the other side of the world…

* * *

_I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
_

* * *

I could not breathe… The dreams had started suffocating me…

* * *

_'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on  
_

* * *

I had become a singer. My fan base was currently based in Britain. That was what Keira was attempting to improve. She was now pushing me to participate in international competitions.

"Mikan, hey! I wanted to let you know there's a singing competition by Yamaha week after next. Do you want to participate?"

I did not mind…so far, I had participated in a competition in the States, a few right here in Britain and a showcase in the Sydney Opera House. It was no big deal for me… I agreed…

Next thing I knew, I was setting foot on the place I had avoided for a long time…

Japan. Oh, my stupidity! I did not bother finding out where I was headed until four days before my departure. After all, Keira had taken care of matters, registering me under the name Ceri (I had put my foot down and insisted when I started my singing career that I would go under a fake name… I liked my privacy, thank you very much.), booked hotels, plane tickets and such stuff. Here was once again, in the land of my nightmares…

* * *

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes  
_

* * *

It was time… I strolled out onto the stage. Everything went fine until midway through the song. That's when I saw him… Natsume. He looked more matured. Nothing much had changed about him. He was holding a brunette close to him. In that moment, I hated him with every fibre of my being. Hated him for having everything I had lost, everything that I had wished for. I wasn't ready to deal with this, all of this. It killed me to see him…

* * *

_Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...  
_

* * *

"I want to be back in England. God, it's so lonely here… I can't deny it, I can't take it anymore…" I whispered to the starry skies.

I was too broken. My hopes that I would ever get over it remained just that, hopes. I was a fool for believing that fate would give me a reprieve. But if it would be the last thing I do, so be it… I would never let someone see me cry ever again…

I was happy. The thought, I was finally going back home… It would suffice...

'I thought you were the one, Natsume. But then, you were always out to prove me wrong. From now on, I will forget you. Try as I may, I can never meld my old life with my current one.'

* * *

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes  
_

* * *

He dashed through the crowd, searching for that brown head. 'How could I be so stupid? She was always there right in front of my eyes. The airport was huge. The crowd was huge. How the hell was he going to find her? There were so many brown heads…

* * *

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

* * *

_

"MIKAN!"

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you for reading my story. Thank you to all my reviewers too! *big hug to all readers and reviewers* Hope you enjoyed it. By the way, anonymous reviews are accepted but I hope you guys will put your names in the anonymous reviews. Do try reading my other stories.


	3. III: I'd Come For You

**A/N: **Ok, people this officially marks the end of the Broken Angels main series... naturally, there will be more stories on the BA universe, but it will be most likely separate from this one. I will now be focusing on writing Harry Potter fanfics... and the BA IV and the alternate POV for the second chapter. But it will be far in between as I have a major national exam to study for. Wish me luck people! Enjoy this chapter! Please review and yes anonymous reviews are enabled... I am merely wirting for the sake of entertaining people so, please just review! Thanks!

**

* * *

I'D COME FOR YOU**

_NICKELBACK_

_**BROKEN ANGELS III**_

He dashed around the Heathrow airport. A fleeting thought, 'Aoi would be amazed…' It was put on the back burner in his haste. 'Where was she?' There… among that sea of redheads. "MIKAN!"

It seemed that she had not heard… 'How could I be so blind? She was always right there…Mikan, I'm sorry! Honest, I didn't mean to hurt you!'

_

* * *

Just one more moment, that's all that's needed.  
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.  
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding  
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it_

* * *

Who was that? I ignored the call… it was just a figment of my imagination or so I willed myself to believe. It appeared George, Gin, Charlie and the rest had not heard. I followed them. Maybe everything would be the same again…

Yeah, right. And unicorns existed. The only thing that was going to be the same was the darn emotions I still felt for him._  


* * *

I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground  
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now  
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out  
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow._

* * *

I turned around… darkness, swallowing me, crushing, obliterating. What was going on? I spun on the spot. Darkness, nowhere could I see an escape...

I suddenly found myself in a room then. Wait, this is _my _room… That must have been a dream… a nightmare. I didn't like it one bit. I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to start reading some scores and lyrics…

_

* * *

By now you'd know that I'd come for you  
No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you  
_

* * *

What was the whole god damn point of this? Figures that I am _always_ the cosmic joke.'

It had been two weeks since Natsume had arrived in London and yet, he was nowhere as close to finding Mikan.

'Really stupid of me that I didn't recognise her until she was gone. No wonder I always thought that Ceri had some kind of affinity to me.'

Truthfully, Aoi always loved Ceri's singing. She had seen her in the Sydney Opera House in a showcase. Ever since then, she followed her. Idolised that girl…_  


* * *

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing  
My mind was closing, now I'm believing  
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in  
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will  
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone  
I'd search forever just to bring you home,  
Here and now this I vow_

* * *

"Hit those notes higher! A little bit more… YES! That's it, girl! Ok… let's do it again then, you can take a fiver."

"Ai, from the top, yes?" Mikan asked Nahruet. Receiving a nod, she waited for the countdown and begun singing again.

Gods, recording and cutting an album was friggin' hard. Keira approached her… "Mi, here, drink. You need it."

"Thanks, Kei!" Gulping down the water like it was a lifesaver, I remembered. George had asked me to dinner with his family. He was going to introduce his fiancée that night. No way in hell was I missing that fella's big night.

I shouldn't be doing this… I knew. I was neglecting myself in pursuit of my work. Even Ron, the ever dense one had started worrying. I was looking far too thin, far too pale… the usual remarks from all of them. I can't stop though… If I did, he would plague me. I needed to forget… forget. The hardest thing to do. I can't turn back, I am already on this path… I gave up my old life to save him. I would forget, it would be the best thing… the healthy thing to do…

I am stupid… such a masochist…_  


* * *

By now you'd know that I'd come for you  
No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you  
You know I'd always come for you_

* * *

"Red hair?" 'Why is it that I feel like I know that person… That family that met Mikan!' He pushed people aside with no care in his attempt to reach the girl.

"Oi, you! Red! I need to talk to you." He knew it was rude but he didn't know anything save she was friends with Mikan.

Suppressing his pride, "Sorry 'bout that. I need your help, Miss?"

"What the hell? Oh god! Shitzer, you are him?!"

"Sorry, I don't understand. But frankly, all I know you are probably good friends with Mikan… and I need your help finding her. I don't know if she told anyone about me… or the others…" here he faltered as if recollecting himself, "I am Hyuuga Natsume."

"Oh, hell! Fine, mister Hyuuga, you are taking the blame and the brunt of this. The name's Weasley… Ginny Weasley." she grinned at that. 'Gods, why did I let Harry take me to see James Bond…I love it though. I don't know what's Miks gonna say… She deserves… no, needs this…'_  


* * *

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,  
Yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
_

* * *

I was late… NO!!! I promised George I would meet him, Angie, Gin, Ron, Harry and 'Mione at Hyde Park before going to the restaurant to meet up with the rest of the Weasleys.

'Shitzer! What the hell am I going to do?' I stumbled into my apartment and dug through my wardrobe for an appropriate ensemble. Polka dots? Gods, throw that out! Reminds me of his… antics. Ew, pink! I swear I am killing Gin next time I see her… 'Mione knows me, she probably wouldn't have gotten me this atrocious… thing.

Desperate, I dragged out a black and white striped dress… I was reserving for another occasion… but it was the only decent one. I tugged at the dress' hem, pulling it a little longer. Throwing on a pair of strappy black gladiators, I slammed the door closed and dashed off._  


* * *

And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you_

* * *

"Sorry, guys I was late! Recording took a bit longer than usual," I called out as I approached them. They turned to look at me. What the heck was going on? I mean, they were whispering conspiratorially until I came up. I shook my head… forget, forget, forget, my mantra circulated repeatedly in my head.

"Miks! God, that dress is cute!" she started squealing. I pushed her away from me before she started hugging me. Hate hugs. Harry just shrugged and pulled her to him. 'Mione just looked on. Then, I realised… Odd, why they were all standing in a line? I tried to clear my head. It's up to them… unusual however… George sheepishly smiled. That did it! They _were _hiding something.

"Ok, Mik… wait here for a bit! We got a present for you. We'll just go get it." With that, he and the others dashed off in the direction of the car park.

_

* * *

No matter what gets in my way  
As long as there's still life in me  
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you  
I'd crawl across this world for you  
Do anything you want me to  
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you  
You know I'll always come for you

* * *

_

He smiled. Showtime… he stepped out of the tree's shade… "Hello, Mikan," he said quietly.

She spun on the spot and saw him. Automatically, her hand flew up to stifle a gasp. "Natsume?"

"That's me alright, Polka." Her lips twitched at this. He walked towards her, smirking, a hand offered to her.

* * *

Natsume… He was here. How can I run away from him any longer? He was smirking… that infuriating… familiar, comforting smirk… I finally let my emotions break through. I was crying and laughing all at once. I grabbed his hand and smiled at him. In that, I tried to pour all my feelings into it… Forgiving him, rejoicing over him joining me and fear… yes, fear of things that were to come. I knew in that instant, I would never be alone again, my nightmares had ended. I would face whatever that was to come gladly as long as he were there, beside me.

* * *

**A/N: **I really love Harry Potter, so that's why I gave them cameos in this story. No, they are not wizards or witches, they ae just ordinary people like you and me. That's all... Oh yeah, all characters of my Broken Angels universe are normal. No superpowers... Natsume burning Sumire's hair in the first chapter is just him being a pyromaniac. He's cured by the time Mikan begins her singing career (i.e; two years later). Review please! Thanks for reading and reviewing by the way. *hugs to all readers and reviewers* Do try reading my other stories.


End file.
